Heed the Nudges
…….confusion can guide us into the most wonderful adventures…..
We arrived in Melbourne, Australia on 31st March 1988 and it’s been our home ever since. I will always be so grateful to Dick Milnthorpe, his warm counterpart in Melbourne Bruce Plaice-Leary and Alan Findlay. I am indebted to Australia for opening her doors to us and welcoming us into such an amazing country.
I am reminded of a story that an old friend once shared with me that seem to reflect the ups and downs I had faced from the point I was forced to leave my homeland to the date we arrived in Melbourne.
The Bird and the Cow Plop
There was a bird who lived in Canada. As I’m sure you know Canada is very cold in the winter – minus 20 degrees in some parts. One winter the little bird announced to the other birds, “I’m not flying south for the winter. I’m staying right here!”
All the other birds said he was crazy, but he answered, “You’re the crazy ones. You’ll get down south, turn around and fly right back up here again next year. What’s the point?!” The other birds rolled their eyes, took to flight and left him behind. He caught the last of their chatter on the wind – he was pretty sure they were calling him an idiot and something about being dead by Christmas!
Undeterred the little bird simply wondered what winter in Canada would be like. At first, he was pleasantly surprised at the Indian Summer that stretched into autumn. “Aha!” he said to himself, “I was right to stay. This is wonderful!”
Of course, it didn’t last. Winter arrived with a vengeance – hitting full force in the middle of December. Shuddering in the cold the silly bird finally realized, “Oh I see, this is why we are supposed to leave - I must fly south before I freeze to death!”
He took to flight and made it as far as Montana. There, in mid-flap, his little wings froze solid and he tumbled to the ground; landing in a farmer’s yard. “What a stupid bird I am,” he moaned to himself. “I should’ve left with my friends and now I am going to die.”
In that moment, a cow strolled past the fallen bird chewing his cud and heading toward the sheds for shelter. I don’t know if you are aware of this but cows can walk and poop at the same time and without realizing it she dropped a big cow-plop right on top of the frozen little bird! Initially the bird thought, “Oh, this is just great. It’s bad enough that I’m about to die; but now I’m covered in cow dung. Terrific!”
But then he noticed something he had not expected. The warmth of the plop actually began to thaw out his frozen little body and restore him to life. “Well, what do you know about that?” said the bird. Stretching out his frozen wings he thought to himself, “This ain’t so bad after all!” Thrilled by this turn of events and basking in his new found, albeit smelly warmth he began chirping and singing under the pile of cow plop.
Meanwhile, a farm cat was passing by and heard the sound of singing coming from the cow plop. Curious as only a cat can be, he pawed around in the dung and discovered the cosy (and tasty) bird. Their eyes met, and the bird realised that he really was going to be dead by Christmas.
The moral of the story
· First, not everyone who dumps on you is your enemy.
· Second, not everyone who cleans it off is your friend.
· Third, when you are warm and happy, it is best to keep your mouth shut.
After many years of uncertainty we felt confident and secure. This experience taught me that, confusion and uncertainty can guide us into the most wonderful adventures.
Symptoms of Confusion
Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives.
- William Bridges
Contrary to popular opinion, confusion is a blessing, it’s the precursor of change and a reminder that nothing stays the same for long. It is also an invitation for us to lean into the confusion rather than to mask it, run from it or ignore it.
Below are some of the key symptoms I have observed both in myself and others during times of confusion or when we feel stuck. Knowing we are stuck, and acknowledging it is sometimes the first step toward becoming un-stuck. Have a read through the following symptoms and see if any ring true for you.
Do you feel as though a major crisis has rocked the foundations of your beliefs and values and you are no longer as sure as you once were?
Do you know what you don’t enjoy or don’t want to do but are not entirely clear about what you do enjoy or do want to do?
Are you unsure about the value you are bringing to the wider world? Perhaps you don’t necessarily feel your work has any meaning beyond making a living.
Do you spend more time doing what you think you have to do and less time on what you want to do?
Are you working harder and getting less satisfaction?
Are you unhappy in your work but can’t decide whether it’s better to resign or wait to be retrenched? Do you have any idea what you might do in the meantime?
Have you stopped learning and growing? Do you feel like you’ve gone as far as you can and you’re at a dead end?
Do you feel that the problem is 'out there’? Everything would be fine if only your spouse, boss, children, parents, friends, colleagues or the government could be more helpful? Different? More reliable? More competent? More compassionate?
Do you feel inundated? Do you find yourself saying things like, ‘Why is it I have to do everything myself?’ Or ‘If you want something done right, do it yourself. Perhaps you don’t feel supported or helped.
Do you suffer from the ‘imposter syndrome’ where you feel that you are not good enough and that someone is going to figure out you don’t know what you’re doing any day now?
Do you find yourself thinking that you are too old or that you’ve ran your race? Perhaps you feel that your skill set is out of date and you’re not quite hitting the mark.
Are you overly sensitive to criticism or feedback, intolerant or inflexible?
Do you find that you are losing your sense of humour?
Are you angrier than you used to be? Do you seem to get annoyed or irritated at the drop of a hat?
Do you suffer from low energy? Do you wonder why you should even bother?
Do you find yourself grieving the past, nursing old wounds? Perhaps you believe the best of your life is behind you.
Do you find yourself craving assurance or seeking love – sometimes in all the wrong places?
Are you bored? Perhaps you don’t feel stretched anymore and are just going through the motions.
Have the trappings and symbols of power become crucial to your self-definition? Do you ever wonder who you are if you are not those things?
Do your feelings of dissatisfaction seem especially confusing because you thought you were an experienced, mature human being and should be able to find an answer and get into solution mode?
Are you sometimes flooded with negative emotions that surprise you by their intensity? Anger is one of the emotions most likely to indicate shadow issues that need to be addressed.
If you recognise any of these symptoms then you may be at Davy’s Bar. You may have found yourself somewhere you didn’t expect and feel unsure how to course correct. If so, I can’t tell you what the answer is but I do know that it is not ‘out there’. What I have come to accept with absolute certainty and utter faith is that when we are confused 'the only way out is in’. Also, we don’t need to know all the answers, we just have to be willing to recognise the questions and take time to pause and reflect and allow the answers to emerge.
Key Learnings
Davey’s Bar isn’t so bad. Most of us have had the experience of ending up somewhere we didn’t want to be or expect. But sometimes, the best things in life are not planned – sometimes they come out of left field or emerge from a ‘wrong turn’.
We are always in transition. Confusion is the oil that greases those wheels. Confusion and crisis is often the necessary lubricant in change – an opportunity to course correct.
Heed the nudges. Tune into how a situation feels. Not all obstacles and set backs are negative – they may simply be nudges or invitations to go in a more constructive direction and help us move into something more authentic and meaningful to us. And when you are warm and happy, it is best to keep your mouth shut.
Faith and determination in action. When acting in unfamiliar territory faith and determination in action as essential. Faith in heeding the nudges that you will find the way and determination to persist through all frustrations and obstacles.
The only way out is in. It may seem counterintuitive but the only way to get out of confusion is to lean into it. Follow your heart - real decisions are not made in the head – they are made in the heart. The right decision will feel right and the wrong one won’t.
Copyright © Satyendra Chevendra
Heed the Nudges
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