Welcome to the Neutral Zone

“In between the letting go and the taking hold again, there is a chaotic but potentially creative “neutral zone” when things aren’t the old way, but aren’t really a new way yet either. This three-phase process-ending, neutral zone, beginning again-is transition. Transition is the way that we all come to terms with change.”

 - William Bridges

Once I’d let go of the bank, albeit for six months, I fell in a bit of a heap for a week or so. The process-ending phase William Bridges talks about felt ‘complete’. But what now? I felt like the centipede in a story one of my Dad’s friends had related to him. 

One day, the centipede was out walking – happy and cheerful as ever. Wondering who he would meet and what he would have for lunch he came across a beetle. As you know beetles only have four legs so to a beetle a centipede is an amazing sight – rows and rows of legs all working together in perfect symmetry. As the centipede passed the beetle, he looked up from his lunch. “Excuse me centipede”, the beetle asked, “Can I ask you a question.” The centipede stopped, “Hello beetle” he said, “Yes, of course.” 

 The beetle considered his question carefully because he didn’t want to offend the centipede, “I’m watching you walk with all your legs and they all move one after the other in tandem – how do you do that? How is it that you don’t trip over all those legs?” 

 The centipede had never thought about it before and said so, “I’m not actually sure beetle, I just walk and they seem to know what to do.” The beetle seemed a bit disappointed by the answer but scuttled off none the less. Still puzzled by the question the centipede tried to watch his legs while he walked so he could figure out how it was done and promptly fell into a heap – on his back with all of his legs in the air.

 I felt a little like that centipede – I had been cruising along for so long, taking on bigger and bigger challenges, immersing myself in those challenges and achieving some big wins along the way. I never really stopped to consider how I did what I did, I just got on with it. But, once I began to consciously reflect on it I fell in a heap and couldn’t really figure out how I’d done it. Or perhaps more importantly – I didn’t know why. And, I certainly didn’t know what I was going to do next. 

I came to recognise this place of limbo as the ‘Neutral Zone’ – or the second phase described by Bridges. On reflection, I had visited the Neutral Zone many times in my life. As I moved into this zone again I quickly learnt that it was one of the most interesting places to be and I experienced many different feelings. 

First of all, I was pleased that I had summoned the courage to leave a place where I was no longer happy. I knew in my heart that I had to leave but recognising that fact and doing anything about it were not necessarily the same thing. There were people who did not want me to take that course of action and sticking to my guns was not easy, I felt uneasy that I might be letting people down. I also felt relief that I’d followed through on my commitment to myself but that quickly gave way to more confusion. Knowing I didn’t want to be somewhere is one thing, knowing where to go next was quite another and I genuinely had no idea. The confusion was also compounded and amplified to some extent because I could feel that things were changing but I couldn’t yet see what they were changing to. That was nerve wracking. 

I was reminded of what Osho had once said -

 “The seed cannot know what is going to happen, the seed has never known the flower. And the seed cannot even believe that he has the potentiality to become a beautiful flower. Long is the journey, and it is always safer not to go on that journey because unknown is the path, nothing is guaranteed. Nothing can be guaranteed. Thousand and one are the hazards of the journey, many are the pitfalls – and the seed is secure, hidden inside a hard core. But the seed tries, it makes an effort; it drops the hard shell which is its security, it starts moving. Immediately the fight starts: the struggle with the soil, with the stones, with the rocks. And the seed was very hard and the sprout will be very, very soft and dangers will be many. There was no danger for the seed, the seed could have survived for millennia, but for the sprout many are the dangers. But the sprout starts towards the unknown, towards the sun, towards the source of light, not knowing where, not knowing why. Great is the cross to be carried, but a dream possesses the seed and the seed moves. The same is the path for man. It is arduous. Much courage will be needed.”

When I embraced that confusion and discomfort, remembering ‘the seed’ that Osho talks of I felt a sense of liberation. The space I’d consciously created in my life now allowed me to explore what it was that I might want to be – without conditions or expectations of any set outcome. Like the seed I had no idea what I might blossom into but I was glad I’d found the courage to follow my heart and push out toward the sunlight. That said, this sensation was very unusual for me. Up until this point in my life I was always exploring and learning for a reason. I was aiming to reach a destination, to fulfil a goal or achieve an outcome and the exploration was tailored around delivering that. This time I was free just to explore and see where that exploration took me. 

And finally, there was a sense of exhilaration which came from the anticipation that I might discover something new and exciting. This experience allowed me a new appreciation for the Neutral Zone. It wasn’t a place to be avoided, rather those mixed feelings were instrumental in opening up new possibilities and new perspectives – essential for the third stage of the process, discovery of a new beginning. 

 If I hadn’t stepped back when I did I would have simply been swept up into the next challenge without ever really considering what I was doing and why I was doing it. It was ironic, when I left many people close to me in the bank assumed I’d had some type of breakdown. What I had was a ‘break with’. If I’d not stepped back when I did, even though it broke with corporate convention at the time, I am sure I would have had the breakdown! I needed to stop and really think about what I was trying to achieve in my life, what inspired me and what my purpose was so I could combine my propensity to get stuff done with something that also nourished my soul. 

 Rev Jeff Anderson talks about

“pausing long enough to be informed”. He suggests that when life is deconstructing in this way, when our familiar points of reference are shifting or falling away completely, when our minds are the most confused and our hearts the most broken-open, that is the time to pause. Pause, just long enough to be informed”.

My head was saying, “You can’t do this. You can’t walk away. What will people think, what about your career, besides it’s an amazing opportunity – you should be excited and proud”. But my heart was telling me the opposite – “You have to step back, if only for a few months to take the time to figure out why you are not feeling excited and proud!” Once I could do that I could begin again, as Andersons says,

“One thought at a time, one choice at a time, one day and one night at a time. We begin the long walk out of whatever version of the valley of the shadow we find ourselves in, and begin to create something new, something different, something that is in alignment with our deeper longing, our deeper sense of purpose, of being. We start to pay attention in a very different way, to become mindful of the small things, the beautiful things, the kindnesses. We begin to remember what’s really important, and to file those realisations away. Those are the ingredients that we will rebuild with; the things that are really important.”

The Ashram

For me, I knew that the inner enquiry required to reach that point wasn’t just going to occur organically if I just took six months off. I couldn’t just go on holiday or laze by a swimming pool or tropical beach. That may work for some people and I’m certainly not suggesting my way is the only way but I knew I needed to go somewhere that was quiet, remote and completely disconnected. If I could access email I would, if I could read the papers, I would. If I could take phone calls – I would. Like so many of us living in the modern world, I was always ‘on’. I never disconnected from work completely. This is a reality that has intensified for most of us because of the advance in technology. 

 I was also keen that my time out would involve healthy living, so the food had to be nutritious and support my health. This probably meant no alcohol either. Again, like many of us, I would often use alcohol as a de-stressor. Nothing major, just a few drinks with friends in the evening but I was sure breaking that habit would also be beneficial. 

I wanted to engage in some sort of structured practises that could help direct my thinking and reflection time. After careful consideration, I chose the Sai Baba Ashram in Puttarparthi, India and Dharshi decided to join me. These types of intense shared experiences can cause issues in relationships so it was a risky move. Couples tend to leave either separated or closer. Luckily for us, we became closer. I had been to the ashram before and benefited from the routine as well as some rituals and practises such as yoga, breathing exercises, walking, spiritual discourse and devotional music that supported my deeper reflection and exploration. Being involved in the community helped me step back, be grateful and contribute. And it was definitely in a very remote place with little access to the rest of the world.

I really enjoyed the community activity and meeting other people at the ashram. We particularly loved that everyone ate at the same table – regardless of race, caste, job title, rich or poor, everyone was equal. 

 One meeting still stands out for both of us. We were in a café outside the ashram enjoying a cup of tea when we heard people talking behind us with an Australian accent. We were all a long way from home so we introduced ourselves and we pulled our tables together and started chatting. As is often the case, even in an ashram, the guy asked me what I did for a living. I said I work in a bank. Both our new friends visibly recoiled on hearing that. There was an immediate change in the warmth of the conversation and they pulled back – literally. The man looked upset and his wife looked angry. They were also a little confused, clearly the types of people who work in banks don’t also go to ashrams. I explained I was taking a sabbatical and they asked, “How do you do that? How do you reconcile working in a bank with your spiritual side?” They obviously had a very low opinion of banks and mistrusted anyone who worked in one. 

 Up to this point I’d never personally met anyone who was so vehemently opposed to somebody working in a bank but I didn’t say anything. After a few moments, the lady said, “Maybe you will be the guy that goes back and introduces Dharmic Banking.” I asked her what that was and she said, “bringing love and fairness into banking – the principles we are learning here.” 

It was interesting because she had pinpointed something that had been thinking about all through my working life – the disconnect that seems to happen sometimes between the people the bank is supposed to serve and what we actually do. We chatted for a little longer and then went our separate ways but I never forgot the conversation. 

 During my time at the ashram, one of the most important learnings I received that helped me change my perspective was the practice of yoga. Yoga was the only set of rituals that I discovered that brought together mind, body and spirit and was designed to significantly accelerate the journey of reflection and self-discovery. Yoga is still something I engage in every day. I also seek to continually refresh and improve my knowledge by working with practitioners who have dedicated their lives to yoga. I practise Patanjali Yoga Sutra – the eight-fold path or better known as Ashtanga Yoga. You can learn more about yoga from trained teachers and practitioners.

Facilitating the Conditions to Pause and Reflect

I have deliberately not gone into detail about yoga or indeed any of the practises that I engage in simply because I am not the specialist and my journey is not your journey. It is useful to you only in the sense of appreciating what pause and reflect might look like and what the process might include. 

This is very deliberate and quite contradictory. On one hand, I’m writing , I therefore feel I have something to share but on the other hand I know that what I share may not resonate with you. There is no book that can lead us on a step by step process toward self-knowledge and awareness. There is no book that can or should codify a set of techniques because the path to transformation is specific and utterly unique to each person. 

British philosopher, Alan Watts suggests when various religious books such as the Bible and Quran are perceived as a set of rules that followers should ascribe to in order to secure certain rewards a disconnect begins to happen. Watts says,

“We need a new experience—a new feeling of what it is to be “I.” The lowdown (which is, of course, the secret and profound view) on life is that our normal sensation of self is a hoax, or, at best, a temporary role that we are playing, or have been conned into playing—with our own tacit consent, just as every hypnotized person is basically willing to be hypnotized. The most strongly enforced of all known taboos is the taboo against knowing who or what you really are behind the mask of your apparently separate, independent, and isolated ego.”

The truth is that there is no process. No point A to B. No step by step linear, repeatable journey from where you are to where you need or want to be. It’s a unique journey that only you can make in your own way.

A. Parthasarathy in Vedanta Treatise: The Eternities suggests,

“Truth is your own. Nobody can claim it. You do not have to sell your liberty to any spiritual guru. The gurus drew their inspiration from their own Self. The same fountainhead of inspiration is within you. You can do the same. There is no use relying on external forces for gaining internal strength.”

I have therefore simply shared my experiences to offer up what one of those ways might look like. If what I experienced resonates with you then pause and reflect on your own situation to find the best route forward for you. We are all perpetual students. We are all seeking that right path in our own beautiful, yet flawed way. The process of pause and reflect can be achieved in many forms and you must find the one that suits you best. I fully appreciate that not everyone can take a six-month sabbatical from their job although sabbaticals are becoming more commonplace. Before dismissing the idea as out of hand it might be worth asking the question. Not everyone will feel they need six months, perhaps a shorter time frame may feel more practical to you. Trust your sense of what you need and honour that nudge. 

 To give yourself time and space to pause, reflect and go inwards you must get off the tread mill and disconnect from your normal life - step back. Think outside the box to consider how you might do that. 

 I find getting away to a remote place where it is quiet and sufficiently disconnected very helpful. The healthy living aspect with healthy food and exercise and time spent with nature is also nurturing. Ideally with rituals and practices in place to support deeper exploration. 

 Ask questions and listen to the quiet voice within. 

Listen with insight, attention, totality and in that very vision you 

will see something and that seeing changes you. 

Don’t ask how

- Osho

Copyright © Satyendra Chevendra
Welcome to the Neutral Zone

RECEIVE ARTICLES BY EMAIL

For new articles delivered directly to your inbox, click here to subscribe.