Questions are the answer

Ask questions and listen to the quiet voice within.

Questions allow us to gain clarity.

I’m reminded of the story of the man who was in a hurry to reach his destination. He set out early in the morning but it wasn’t long before it became really foggy. In fact, it was so bad that he could hardly see 100 metres in front of him, but his thinking was that if he just kept driving he would get through the fog and arrive at his destination. He knew where he was going. He’d been there many times so the fog didn’t faze him. His wife rang as he was driving and she said, “Why don’t you just park the car at the side of the road and wait for the fog to clear, then when it clears you will be better able to see all the roads ahead and you can drive faster on the right road. You will probably get there quicker.” 

His wife was right and the same advice applies to life. Instead of jamming our foot on the accelerator, even when we don’t know where we are going, why we are going there or what the obstacles are up ahead, life may instead encourage us to pause and reflect. The space this approach creates and the questions we ask ourselves while in that space allow the fog to lift so we can see the road ahead clearly and make sure we are on the right one! 

Questions open ourselves up to all that the universe has to offer. And, that is only possible by asking questions from a place of ignorance. 

The little I know, I owe to my ignorance

-       Sacha Guitry

Too often we only ask questions that we think we already know the answer to. It is immediately obvious that the person asking the question is already convinced that they have the perfect solution and are hoping that we will recognise that solution in the veiled question, so we agree with them! That’s not a question. US coach, Michael Stratford calls these pretend questions, ‘quegestions’ – a suggestion masquerading as a question. 

The psychological phenomena this scenario describes is called confirmation bias. Essentially, confirmation bias is when we notice things in our lives that confirm what we already believe or expect. It also explains why we don’t notice things that contradict our beliefs or assumptions. As a result, confirmation bias provides constant evidence that we are ‘right’ – even when we may not be. Asking questions of ourselves or others must come from a place of complete ignorance, where we are genuinely interested in what might surface as opposed to coming with preconceived solutions or answers. 

As we are called upon to reflect more and more, we become better at it and it becomes part of who we are. Over time, we will instinctively challenge our own assumptions and beliefs to get closer to our own authentic truth.

Bertrand Russell, the noted English mathematician and philosopher, once remarked that it was "a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on things you have long taken for granted.” 

If you come to the process with ready-made answers, there is no space to receive anything. I was reminded of this fact many times at the ashram. One experience that springs to mind is when I was attending a workshop on Pranayama (breath consciousness and control). I told the teacher that I already knew a lot about breathing techniques and had read extensively on the topic. Looking back, I’m a little embarrassed at my arrogance. The teacher no doubt had heard it all before and quietly insisted that we spend the next hour learning together. I really didn’t want to because in my mind I already knew how to breathe – after all, I’d been doing it quite successfully for a few decades by this stage. 

I joined the workshop reluctantly. The workshop leader started by suggesting that the only way we know we are breathing is because we can feel it - we cannot see breath. He then asked if we’d ever noticed that our emotions impact our breathing or that it was actually a two-way process and we could change our emotions by changing our breathing pattern. I was so sure I knew all I needed to know about breathing and yet when I embraced ignorance I realised how little I actually knew. It became fun and interesting. Finally, he said, “Have you noticed that you can’t breathe yesterday or tomorrow – you can only breathe now. Therefore, if you focus on your breathing you are immediately brought to the now.” I’d never thought of breathing in that way before and yet it was absolutely true. I now use breathing techniques constantly – they are a very effective way to become calmer, slow down and relax. Focusing on my breathing, even for a few moments is enough to bring me back to the present and relieve any anxiety or stress I may be feeling. 

It’s also worth warning you in advance, this pause and reflect stage is not a linear process. It’s unlikely that as soon as you step back, everything about your life will become clearer. Actually, things are likely to get worse and significantly less clear and more confusing before the fog starts to lift. The key is to give yourself some time and space to stay with that process and sit in the confusion without panicking or jumping to conclusions or pre-formed solutions. Use the questions to bug you - prod you - provoke you toward more authentic answers. 

“Discovery is a place that doesn’t know, doesn’t evaluate, and is willing to see what is; sees beyond the fight to an open realm of possibilities; enables us to let go of the filters of our past and the blinders of our expectations; perceives no right or wrong, only inquiry and creativity; turns frustration into fascination and work into play.”

- Thomas Crum

Questions Move Us to A Higher Level of Awareness

Many questions keep coming up when the mind is cleared of the clutter that occupies it. Stepping out or stepping back from the usual hustle and bustle of life together with practicing mindfulness moved me away from my strong points of view to different perspectives. It helped me move from the microscopic to the telescopic. 

I found that when we are willing to be wrong, we increase our willingness to risk or to explore beyond the boundaries we have set for ourselves. This discovery attitude increases our awareness and acceptance of, and attention to, what is. We are fully present and excited to do whatever it takes. 

That said, there are no set of questions that you should be asking yourself. Again, this is your journey and each of us must make that journey in our own way and follow our heart. Just see what bubbles up for you. Here are some questions that bubbled up for me in my own journey of self-discovery.

• What are you feeling? Is it fear – if so what are you afraid of?

• What are you missing? Do you feel lost? When was the last time you didn’t feel lost?

• What is positive as a result of where you are today?

• What questions are coming up in your mind?

• What new possibilities are popping into your mind without worrying about the how?

• Who are you without the title, trappings and status?

• What will your eulogy say at your funeral?

• What things have you always wanted to do but didn’t? And Why?

• What do you do when you don’t know?

• What is important and meaningful to you? What are you passionate about?

• What do you feel? Try to articulate what it is you are feeling. Seek to be as specific as possible in naming your feelings. 

• Is there an easier, better way? What would it be like to use the mechanism of surrender instead of effort?

• Are you in Davy’s Bar right now? 

  •  If so, what makes you think that?

  •  Do you know what turn-off you missed? 

  • Are you sure or is there a possibility that your determination to take a certain route is blocking you from a better emerging route?

This process taught me that the problems we face in life are rarely caused by not knowing the answers, they are caused because we won’t pause and reflect enough to identify the right questions. Once we get the questions right, the answers find us.

When the Fog Lifts

Photo by Burak K

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come. If we fix on the old, we get stuck. When we hang onto any form, we are in danger of putrefaction. Hell is life drying up.

- Joseph Campbell

What surprised me about my own pause and reflect experience was not that I necessarily suddenly got some earth-shattering answers, but that for the first time in my life I realised that it was OK not to have all the answers. 

I realised that it was OK to do something that I enjoyed doing just because I enjoyed doing it. As I held that space of confusion and wonder I came to appreciate that my reason for existence was to be involved in activities that made a difference to people. I value people and started to stumble upon many ideas to help them lead a more fulfilling life. When the fog cleared for me, I knew that I wanted to spend my time in that space – working with and helping people. I also discovered that I had a voracious appetite for learning more about myself and my relationship with those around me and what was driving change in the world.

My purpose simplified and clarified – to love, to learn, to serve. I also realised that I don’t need to be clear about the next steps. It was OK just to start somewhere and trust that the next step would appear.

I found that it was OK not to know what my career goals were which was a revelation in itself as I’d always been very driven to achieve certain milestones. Prior to this particular bout of self-reflection, I needed to know what I was doing and I needed to see a clear path upward. Afterwards my focus shifted to who I wanted to be and how I wanted to contribute to the world as opposed to having some arbitrary career goal. Career goals from that view point suddenly looked meaningless. It’s worth noting that the inner-work I am talking about here has been a constant, perpetual process of self-discovery. It’s a little like peeling a never-ending onion and you are the onion! It wasn’t like I went to the ashram broken and came out fixed. I went in confused and simply came out a little less confused. And, that was a successful and meaningful result.  I could then use the insights to experiment further and more fully recognise and heed the nudges that arrived in my life. 

For example, I became much clearer on what was causing my distress and why I felt compelled to step back in the first place. My work had not always been aligned to my values. My ‘problem’ before the ashram was that I didn’t really know or appreciate what those values were so it was impossible for me to make sure my work was aligned to them. Once I began the inner work and gained real clarity about the nature of the problem and why I was feeling this inner nudge, the answer presented itself in the most miraculous way. 

When I returned to work six-months later, I didn’t have a job to go back to. On my return, I met with the CEO and Head of Retail once more and they explained that there were really only two options. The first was to run the asset finance division - that left me cold. Thankfully, the other option was much more interesting. The bank wanted to find a way to tackle the hostility many customers felt toward banks. I’d even experienced a little of it at the ashram when the Australian couple I met were openly upset when I explained I worked for a bank. In Australia, there was a book doing well in the charts called ‘Banks Behaving Badly’ by Maria Prendergast. At this time, all the major banks in Australia recognised that they needed to turn that perception around. The CEO said, “We want to find a way to make our customers feel differently about the bank. We are calling it ‘network transformation’. The idea was that they would give me some money and a small team of ten people and I would lead the program. 

Immediately I remembered what the lady had said to me in the ashram… “Maybe you will be the guy that introduces Dharmic banking - bringing humanity into banking.” That was exactly what I was being asked to head up – although I’m not sure anyone at the time would have described it in those terms. I accepted the role. When I told my wife about the offer, she also recognised the significance, “Oh wow – it’s the café thing from the ashram.” Again, I took that as a huge sign that I was on the right track. 

Shortly after accepting the new role, we renamed the project and called it exactly what we were attempting to do – “Restoring Customer Faith.” 

I ended up in that role for four years. The project was well received by staff and there was so much excitement and energy that The Australian newspaper got wind of it and asked for an interview. I suggest that if they wanted to know what was happening in the bank, they should go and ask customers and branch staff at the pilot branches. I remember the branch manager and staff contacting me to see what they could say and I told them to tell the truth - say whatever they wanted to say. The story then appeared in the paper under the headline, “Faith, love and banking”. Perhaps we had brought a little humanity and humility back to banking after all.

Key Learnings

Raise our consciousness – we can’t solve a problem from the same level of consciousness that created it. We need to lift our consciousness to a higher level so we can gain access to better, smarter, more sophisticated, inclusive and coherent answers. 

Embrace the ‘Neutral Zone’ – in between the letting go of the old and the taking hold of the new. There is a chaotic yet creative neutral zone, where we can discover our purpose or more of who we really are. Use this zone to explore, get under the covers of our life and help increase the gap between stimulus and response or what happens and how we react to it. 

Questions are the answer – questions asked from a place of humility and ignorance allows the fog to lift from our lives. Once we ask the right questions, the answers will find us.

Get off the treadmill – retreating to a remote, quiet place, sufficiently disconnected from the outside world can help facilitate the reflection process. Somewhere that includes healthy living and practices that support deeper exploration such as Yoga may assist in the self-discovery process.

All answers are found within -What manifests externally reflects what is going on internally. As we transform internally the external world begins to transform to mirror our own internal changes. 

Copyright © Satyendra Chelvendra
Questions are the Answer

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